As we draw near to Christmas, I'm reminded that not all of us approach the holiday season in the same way.
For some people, the holiday season is a light at the end of a year-long tunnel that they look forward to with great anticipation. Friends and family --along with turkey and mistletoe "make the season's bright" -- as the old carol says.
For others, the light the holidays bring may be more like the light of an oncoming train that's about to hit.
The holidays can reopen wounds of loss, hurt, and longing. A certain family member or friend may not be around the table this year for the first time. Perhaps, this year brought the loss of a job or the fall of a business you poured your life into. Maybe a sure and certain hope you had for 2021 went unfulfilled. In any of these instances, the holidays may make you want to retreat with the covers over your head until January 2.
My heart goes out to those of us who are anticipating or who have already started to experience the hurt that the holidays can sometimes bring. However, excellent help is available through counselors, therapists, and trained psychologists. Even finding a safe and trusted friend to talk to about your struggles may be a great place to start.
For each of us, no matter how we feel about the upcoming holidays, we'd do well to approach this season (1) graciously with an open mind toward others and (2) with an external focus full of compassion and empathy.
Let me explain --
1 - Be gracious and open-minded. We all know what it feels like to be treated poorly. Think of the last time you were on hold for 20+ minutes and then got disconnected. Consider that time you overheard a conversation about you that you wished you could "un-hear." Unfortunately, those feelings don't go away quickly. The unkindness of others can leave a scar -- and many of us carry those scars around with us.
And consider the opposite. You've probably said something about someone else that wasn't as kind as it should have been. You may have selfishly ignored that annoying friend or family member's phone call. You may have even driven a little too slowly in the passing lane once or twice...
The bottom line is you've been frustrated by someone at one time or another -- and you've also been frustrating to someone else. Behind each of these instances are an infinite number of reasons for why they happened. We all want to experience grace (both as an offended person and as an offender) no matter the reason. In every situation, we carry two buckets -- one with water and one with gasoline. We can either pour water to put out fires and bring refreshment -- or pour gasoline, making them explosive or stoking the fire. Grace is water. Be refreshing to others this holiday season.
2 - Shift your focus outward with compassion and empathy. I've often taught on how we should treat everyone as though their heart is breaking -- because it probably is. Life is a roller coaster of highs and lows. Someone once said -- every day is a series of blessings and battles. We're always in one of them -- and about to enter into the other one. Deep down, we all face a struggle that no one knows anything about. We are hurting and still trying to do our best. We put one foot in front of the other and keep pressing on while carrying our concealed wounds.
Our hurt can turn us inward in pity and anger, making us jaded and bitter. Or, it can flip us outward to extend the compassion and empathy that our brokenness has cultivated within us. Those who can look beyond their struggle and see the struggle in others are positioned well to extend the compassion and empathy that we also hope to find for ourselves. When we take our eyes off of ourselves and put them onto the needs of others, we experience transcendence -- which is at the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. We elevate others and find deep levels of satisfaction and joy by doing so.
Nothing I am saying to you today is earth-shattering. However, these simple reminders go a long way toward encouraging each of us to approach this season humbly, gently, and a little more humanely -- because you never know how your actions will impact someone else. You WILL impact people one way or another. So consider what impact you will have.
Live your legacy every day.
